Monday, August 8, 2011

Coming Up for Air

3 months of silence. I've gone off the grid. 

I thought my life was one hell of a roller coaster ride, but these past few months have really thrown me for a loop. For a while I wasn't sure if I could continue writing.

Just three days after returning from an unforgettable 5-week trip to the Philippines, Taiwan, and China, I got the one phone call that everyone wishes they would never have to experience. My cousin, and best friend, Chris, had unexpectedly passed away. In a single moment, my entire world came to a screeching halt. Two days later, completely floored and broken, I packed my bags with tear-filled eyes and made my first trip back to the States since I'd left last July.

The 8-hour flight from Paris to Philadelphia was filled with fighting back tears, sporadic moments of heart-wrenching pain, looking out the window into the clouds and praying for the strength to make it through this. It was, and still is the most excruciatingly painful thing I've ever had to deal with in my entire life. There are days when I can smile and remember all the great memories we shared, all the things he taught me... but those days where I can't breathe and tears uncontrollably fall always seem to sneak up on me. I'm taking it one day at a time.

For those of you who have followed me along my journey, this was definitely an ill-prepared plot twist. Back in Paris sat two suitcases packed and ready to move down to San Sebastian, Spain... but after being side-swiped with what just happened, I wanted nothing more than to be near my family. I had to dig deeper than I ever have within myself to make the difficult decision as to whether I should stay in the States or go to Spain. I wanted the support of my family and friends, but I needed a distraction. I didn't want to be sitting alone at home thinking about Chris while everyone was at work. I knew he wouldn't have wanted that for me either. I needed something that would change my life. San Sebastian was my answer.

I made the decision to continue on my journey, and moved to San Sebastian... which has been an entire roller coaster of it's own. I got a job working at a hostel, which is tons of fun, but also a 7-day/week job, with little free time to think or write. I've finally started to get into a routine where I have some of my own down time, but writing is still a challenge. Days when I have free time... the words don't seem to flow. Days when the words are pouring out onto the table... I have no time. The blog has suffered immensely from it. 

I have stories upon stories of the craziness that my life has become these past three months, some of which I probably shouldn't share (wink wink)... and then there's still the literally thousands of photos and stories from my Philippines trip that I want to share with all of you.

I'm finally getting to a point where I feel I can write again, and with the support and encouragement of my friends and family, I'm coming up for air. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, Katrina, but so glad that you're back here blogging. And so excited that you decided to stick with Spain! Can't wait to hear more! XO