Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Ironically Perfect Timing

I've been debating whether or not to write about this, but seeing that is a pivotal moment in the journey of this blog... I feel I must. For most of you who know me, you know my reasoning for coming to Paris. For those of you who don't, I did as most love story clichés play out. Met an amazing guy on a whirlwind weekend, and two weeks later, he moved in with me. Fell in love, quit my job, and moved to Paris with -but not completely for- said guy. Then the plot reached the climax, where the two who were once so carefree and crazy about each other realized it just wasn't meant to be.

Crazy at the beginning... and crazy until the end.

This all of course, happened on April Fool's Day. I couldn't have picked a worse day to change my Facebook status. Seriously. I spent the next two days explaining to my friends that yes, we did break up, and no, it's not an April Fool's joke. Joke's on me.

It was completely mutual... but the sting still lingers here and there. I'd been denying to myself that our problems were anything serious for quite some time. The whole move to Paris wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. I blamed it on the weather. I blamed it on the language barrier. In the end, it was much more simple. We both just wanted different things in life. For me, the fact that our relationship was heading towards the breaking point didn't come into focus until this trip to San Sebastian. I just realized how much more "myself" I was in Spain. More carefree, more outgoing, more me. Maybe it was the sun, or the ocean, or the people, but something about San Sebastian just felt... right.

So here I am, 2 weeks later... about to board a plane. Strangely, the timing couldn't be any more ironic. For the next 5 weeks, I'll be visiting my family in the Philippines, exploring Taiwan, and spending a week in Shanghai with some great friends. It's the perfect time for me to clear my head. Reboot my life. And when I return? I'll be heading back down to San Sebastian.

My goal in this whole life change was to push myself. To find myself. To experience new cultures. To cook new things, speak a different language, and travel. I don't regret a thing. I've done a lot in the past 10 months. I've semi-learned to speak French, and I can understand it quite well. I've traveled a bit, and learned a lot about French culture. I've eaten a lot of things I've never eaten before and cooked a lot of things I've never cooked before. Even still, I don't feel I've fully accomplished what I came there to do... even though I don't exactly know what that is. I'm not ready to go back to the States, which is why I'll be spending the summer in Spain. It's something I need to do for myself... a stop before going back home. Wherever that may be.

What about the blog? Well, yes, it sucks that the namesake of this blog doesn't quite fit the bill anymore... but I'm not giving up on it. I love it too much. So instead of teaching myself how to walk, talk, and cook like the French, my purpose for this blog will be a journal of my travels, eating experiences, and understanding what it means to be misunderstood. Heck, I may even throw in a recipe or two.

9 comments:

  1. I'm glad you're going to keep writing this blog, and I'm sure you'll find somewhere you belong!

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  2. Sorry to hear things didn't work out with the Parisian but wishing you luck for San Sebastian!

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  3. Good Luck in San Sebastian! Watch out for those smooth talking Spanish men....

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  4. This is going to be great anyway :) Enjoy your travels!

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  5. Sometimes learning what you DON'T want or what you AREN'T is more important than finding out what you WANT or ARE. Trust me-- been down that road, girl!! I'm so terribly sorry about your break-up... even when they're for the best, they still sting. But I think you're doing the right thing by spending time with family and heading back to Spain. It's your time to live your own life, and you need to do it! And hey, if you ever want to come to Knoxville, there's an open door for you!! We can talk France and eat crepes!! But please keep writing your blog!! It's very "you" and I can say that without even knowing you!! Cheers, girl!!! You're fabulous, wherever you are!

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  6. French people are stupid! That's what my Spanish friend said to me when I was in Madrid. You'll rock in San Sebastian! I really want to go there after your post ! Have fun traveling :)

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  7. Changes, so inevitable. Wishing you loads of courage and fortune on your journey...wherever those roads take you! Too bad we never got to meet in Paris!

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  8. You are such a trooper *Hugs*

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  9. I guess endings are actually new beginnings...I can't help but feel for you while reading this post. I'm so glad you will still keep this blog.

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